What Emotional Intelligence Has Taught Me About Leading and Listening

WEBVTT

00:01.448 --> 00:04.073
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Wealth the Academy podcast.

00:04.553 --> 00:10.384
[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for tuning in to listen to this dynamic and insightful podcast with host Paul Lawrence Van.

00:10.884 --> 00:16.394
[SPEAKER_00]: Paul and his guests provide content rich information that will enhance your knowledge.

00:16.414 --> 00:17.516
[SPEAKER_00]: Enjoy this episode.

00:19.519 --> 00:25.009
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to today's episode of Wealth a Academy podcast.

00:25.580 --> 00:31.609
[SPEAKER_01]: where we explore a leadership from the inside out, because wealth is more than just money.

00:32.590 --> 00:36.435
[SPEAKER_01]: It's mastery over your mindset, habits, and influence.

00:37.036 --> 00:40.241
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm your host Paul Lawrence Van, the leadership catalyst.

00:41.042 --> 00:49.454
[SPEAKER_01]: Emotional intelligence is the topic of today and we explore how mastery your emotions isn't just about being calm under pressure.

00:49.914 --> 00:52.498
[SPEAKER_01]: It's also about understanding people deeply.

00:52.867 --> 00:57.601
[SPEAKER_01]: communicating clearly and creating a culture of trust and respect.

00:58.203 --> 01:03.720
[SPEAKER_01]: If you've ever wondered how leaders truly connect and why listening is the most underrated,

01:03.937 --> 01:07.822
[SPEAKER_01]: Leadership superpower, this episode is for you.

01:08.142 --> 01:10.825
[SPEAKER_01]: And of course, this is episode number 317.

01:10.966 --> 01:21.198
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're just rolling along just ensuring that you get what you need to become the best leader that you can possibly be.

01:21.819 --> 01:27.666
[SPEAKER_01]: And the way I'm positioning each of these questions, addressing these questions,

01:27.646 --> 01:31.591
[SPEAKER_01]: to you even though I'm answering them for myself as well.

01:31.711 --> 01:36.618
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's really the basis and the crux of this particular episode.

01:37.279 --> 01:39.802
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, it's all about emotional intelligence.

01:40.203 --> 01:46.351
[SPEAKER_01]: So the question that I'm posing to you that I'm going to answer for myself is this question one.

01:47.373 --> 01:50.717
[SPEAKER_01]: What does emotional intelligence mean to you personally?

01:51.372 --> 01:55.942
[SPEAKER_01]: And when did you first recognize this importance in your leadership journey.

01:55.962 --> 02:04.099
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's just an amazing question and I'll answer it for myself, but I also want you put yourself in that position where you're.

02:05.362 --> 02:15.952
[SPEAKER_01]: Positioning yourself to answer this question again is, what does emotional intelligence mean to you personally and when did you first recognize its importance in your leadership journey?

02:16.473 --> 02:20.977
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, for me, emotional intelligence is more than just about awareness.

02:21.578 --> 02:27.803
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the ability to understand your emotions and those of others to make better leadership decisions.

02:28.484 --> 02:31.487
[SPEAKER_01]: This question invites reflection on a pivotal moment,

02:31.720 --> 02:37.611
[SPEAKER_01]: when you realized empathy and self-awareness were as vital, as strategy, and skill.

02:38.373 --> 02:53.121
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, for me, one of the most impactful times that this came to me was I was working in the Pentagon and I can't go into it in detail, but I will kind of be on the margins, kind of asking this question

02:53.725 --> 02:57.309
[SPEAKER_01]: And issue came up with one of our allies.

02:58.291 --> 03:02.876
[SPEAKER_01]: And it all came down to who would actually lead the project.

03:03.797 --> 03:09.064
[SPEAKER_01]: And the strange thing is, at that time, I was a captain in the Air Force.

03:09.965 --> 03:11.927
[SPEAKER_01]: And all eyes were pointed to me.

03:13.409 --> 03:17.655
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know why, but I just seemed like the person to look at that day.

03:17.995 --> 03:20.458
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, of course, was volunteered.

03:20.759 --> 03:23.403
[SPEAKER_01]: as a part of the military where I was volunteered.

03:23.944 --> 03:31.837
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I had to make some decisions and understand in emotions of those and others to make better leadership decisions.

03:32.558 --> 03:36.685
[SPEAKER_01]: And the order came down from the president of the United States of America.

03:36.705 --> 03:41.974
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not gonna say who the president was because that may give more way than I want to give away.

03:42.460 --> 03:50.835
[SPEAKER_01]: But I had to really take into consideration balancing my other part of my workload, been sensitive to my leaders.

03:51.637 --> 03:56.726
[SPEAKER_01]: And not a leader did not want me to work on this project, however, I was the one selected.

03:57.347 --> 04:03.338
[SPEAKER_01]: And ultimately, it actually led to me eventually years later actually working on Capitol Hill.

04:03.976 --> 04:11.790
[SPEAKER_01]: But it really came down to understand the emotions of others to make better leadership decisions.

04:12.311 --> 04:21.887
[SPEAKER_01]: Our ally was in need of some equipment that could help them to strengthen their position in the region in which they happen to be in.

04:22.648 --> 04:24.111
[SPEAKER_01]: And emotions were high.

04:24.277 --> 04:31.890
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had to find different resources within the United States to find the resources for this ally.

04:32.250 --> 04:33.493
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was able to do it.

04:33.833 --> 04:40.965
[SPEAKER_01]: And then one of the main things that came down and I was working in the financial department was, who is going to pay for this?

04:41.426 --> 04:49.480
[SPEAKER_01]: Of course, that's always the questions because at the Pentagon, we have one budget that we distribute out to the different bases or units.

04:49.500 --> 04:50.301
[SPEAKER_01]: And then,

04:50.720 --> 04:52.502
[SPEAKER_01]: They have a budget as well.

04:52.863 --> 05:01.753
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you take too much from the budget that's out in the bill, if you will, the Air Force Base or Air National Guard, you know, the bill that is going to impact them.

05:01.773 --> 05:03.355
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to impact their families.

05:03.475 --> 05:07.680
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to impact the whole community, entire community.

05:08.141 --> 05:18.313
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I had to really tap into the understanding and the empathy that would go into that

05:18.563 --> 05:31.760
[SPEAKER_01]: We definitely were not gonna let the president down and then the director of the organization, we didn't wanna let him down and then of course with my leadership, I didn't wanna let them down because I again had to balance what I had.

05:31.820 --> 05:46.258
[SPEAKER_01]: So it took a lot of understanding and as I stated before, self-awareness, the question invites reflection on a pivot of moment when you realize empathy and self-awareness

05:46.559 --> 05:47.820
[SPEAKER_01]: as strategy and skill.

05:48.181 --> 06:05.241
[SPEAKER_01]: And so here I am, a lowly captain as we used to say, and I'm here working with kernels, people one step from a general, then I'm working with multi a start general, two and three star generals, and then I'm dealing with the ultimate commander in chief.

06:05.861 --> 06:14.912
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it took a lot of balance, it took a lot of understanding, a lot of listening that was going on on my part

06:15.230 --> 06:24.785
[SPEAKER_01]: that what was needed and what the president of the United States wanted, and this was in, I'm pretty sure that mid-80s.

06:25.486 --> 06:34.179
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not the current administration, but a previous administration when I was actually on active duty serving the United States Air Force at the Pentagon.

06:34.700 --> 06:38.666
[SPEAKER_01]: But we were able to get it through everything was successful.

06:39.427 --> 06:42.452
[SPEAKER_01]: We turned on the TV, CNN,

06:42.770 --> 06:46.334
[SPEAKER_01]: And then there's a red carpet activity taking place.

06:46.814 --> 07:10.380
[SPEAKER_01]: The result of me working with these different Air Force and Air National Guard units throughout the United States and then positioned in them with an ally and when the equipment you arrive at its destination and it really required quite a bit of emotional intelligence for me to be able to balance that for everyone.

07:10.529 --> 07:32.267
[SPEAKER_01]: And of course, you know, we had members of Congress that were also a part of this particular process, and so I would have to say, and I want you to think about how it impacted you, that what does emotional intelligence mean to you personally, personally for me, it meant a job well done, keep things going.

07:32.635 --> 07:35.438
[SPEAKER_01]: you have made more friends than enemies.

07:36.199 --> 07:48.012
[SPEAKER_01]: And what you have done, and you've helped strip friends strengthen a ally in a certain region within the world, and to me, that made a big difference.

07:48.032 --> 07:56.742
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I recognize importance of this leadership journey by the level of the order that came down.

07:57.803 --> 07:59.605
[SPEAKER_01]: And I feel that order,

07:59.956 --> 08:05.147
[SPEAKER_01]: And that order ended up in my personal records for job well done.

08:05.187 --> 08:14.708
[SPEAKER_01]: And what I tell most people is when you never had an experience like that, it really opens you up and gives you a lot of confidence.

08:14.907 --> 08:32.467
[SPEAKER_01]: And in addition to that emotional intelligence, it had everything to do with the confidence of leadership, of me, band, or leader, me, band with the top leader and the world, and then working with the people who were underneath him in terms of, in the Pentagon and members of Congress.

08:33.008 --> 08:36.612
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I would have to say that was one of the key points for me.

08:37.081 --> 08:45.413
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, my next question for you is, how does emotional awareness influence how leaders respond doing high pressure or conflict situation?

08:46.014 --> 08:51.081
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I've had a lot of high pressure, high conflict experiences.

08:51.802 --> 08:53.986
[SPEAKER_01]: And so things don't really rat on me.

08:54.026 --> 09:00.615
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even after the scenario or the experiences over, I'm still not shaken.

09:01.817 --> 09:05.282
[SPEAKER_01]: And the reason why I'm not shaken

09:05.752 --> 09:13.381
[SPEAKER_01]: And as a result, I just allow the consistency and the confidence to play a role.

09:14.082 --> 09:25.976
[SPEAKER_01]: But when it comes to anti-emotion and intelligence, what it means to me, excuse me, what does emotional awareness of influence how a leaders respond to and how pressure are conflict situation.

09:26.777 --> 09:31.022
[SPEAKER_01]: When leaders stay emotionally centered, they respond rather than react.

09:31.703 --> 09:34.847
[SPEAKER_01]: This allows them to navigate pressure with clarity.

09:35.384 --> 09:40.566
[SPEAKER_01]: maintain composure and turn conflict into constructive dialogue.

09:41.369 --> 09:44.803
[SPEAKER_01]: Now let me give you a story about this.

09:45.492 --> 10:01.388
[SPEAKER_01]: And this happened to me, when you're in the military, you have the opportunity to participate in almost any event around the world, as long as you are within the confines of the organization you work with and if there will allow you to go there.

10:02.148 --> 10:13.980
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was selected out of the Pentagon, three people were selected to participate in a team triathlon in St. Thomas in the US version islands against 23 other countries.

10:14.230 --> 10:16.714
[SPEAKER_01]: And of course, there are three people on a triathlon.

10:17.435 --> 10:31.116
[SPEAKER_01]: And we flew in from Washington and after a long flight, we checked into the condo that we were signed as we were getting ready for our first day of practice, you know, on this onsite there in the same Thomas.

10:31.737 --> 10:40.830
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we went out, we met all the people locally, people who were coordinating this, other members from other countries, and we had dinner together.

10:41.231 --> 10:43.174
[SPEAKER_01]: And then we left and went back to the condo.

10:43.627 --> 10:55.407
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the wee hours of the morning, somehow someone got in, I guess they used something within the ventilation system, we were all sleep, put to sleep.

10:56.529 --> 11:04.082
[SPEAKER_01]: And they robbed us of our cash, jewelry, you name it, they took everything that we had.

11:04.863 --> 11:07.828
[SPEAKER_01]: And as a result, we had it done on me,

11:08.146 --> 11:14.472
[SPEAKER_01]: that they could have killed us, they could have killed all three of us and no one would have known for the better what had happened.

11:15.233 --> 11:38.035
[SPEAKER_01]: But grace interceded and so that put me into that self-leadership mode and so what happens is pressure and what we would call a critical situation

11:38.588 --> 11:47.921
[SPEAKER_01]: And I tapped into my self-awareness, and I was really all about who I am and who I'm purpose to be.

11:48.742 --> 11:52.328
[SPEAKER_01]: Then I looked at the emotional intelligence that was a part of it.

11:52.388 --> 12:03.904
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to stay in the control, cool, calm, and collected under the situation, knowing that the person or people who it robbed was still out there, Roman or Roman around,

12:04.205 --> 12:13.202
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we had to move to a different location to get away from that and then we have to look at just being accountable self accountability.

12:13.790 --> 12:18.136
[SPEAKER_01]: being accountable for every action that we took from there.

12:18.176 --> 12:19.698
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we had a decision to make.

12:20.219 --> 12:30.814
[SPEAKER_01]: And this decision was for us, do we continue to compete, given the situation that we just experienced, or did we just sit on the sideline of just fly back home?

12:31.355 --> 12:35.882
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we all made a decision all three of us, and we decided to stay, we're gonna compete.

12:36.563 --> 12:40.388
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, we're a extra fuel in terms of,

12:40.773 --> 12:53.511
[SPEAKER_01]: really being motivated that we had escape death by the narrowest margin and we were team to really beat at that point because we were just fired up about the whole situation.

12:54.052 --> 13:09.413
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we found our way through this and we live to tell the tell about how we survived from almost being becoming fatalities on the island of St. Thomas due to

13:09.680 --> 13:11.302
[SPEAKER_01]: in the wee hours of the morning.

13:11.783 --> 13:22.136
[SPEAKER_01]: And so when it comes down to emotionally awareness and how it influenced leaders and how did they respond on the half-pressure or conflict situation, that is one for the ages.

13:22.236 --> 13:30.426
[SPEAKER_01]: For me, I've had other experiences, but not like this because it was really close in terms of what had happened.

13:30.446 --> 13:38.556
[SPEAKER_01]: So when leaders stay emotionally centered, which we did, we responded rather than reacted,

13:38.941 --> 13:41.629
[SPEAKER_01]: remain collective, cool, calm, and collected.

13:42.271 --> 13:45.540
[SPEAKER_01]: And this allowed us to navigate the pressure with clarity.

13:45.981 --> 13:50.294
[SPEAKER_01]: We maintain composure and turn conflict into constructive dialogue.

13:50.856 --> 13:53.102
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm here today as living proof.

13:53.504 --> 13:58.212
[SPEAKER_01]: that it can be done when it comes to emotional awareness.

13:58.232 --> 14:09.471
[SPEAKER_01]: Now the next question I want to talk to you about is, can you share a moment when emotional intelligence help you lead more effectively, perhaps by listening rather than reacting?

14:09.957 --> 14:12.840
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, this is going to be really interesting.

14:12.901 --> 14:14.743
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to share a really powerful story.

14:14.763 --> 14:19.769
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want you to position yourself about the experiences that you have that are similar.

14:20.530 --> 14:24.975
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's real life stories bring emotion and intelligence to life.

14:25.576 --> 14:33.125
[SPEAKER_01]: Reflect on the time when pausing to listen, change the outcome of difficult meeting or deep in trust within your team.

14:33.445 --> 14:37.450
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, this story happens to be from Capitol Hill,

14:38.425 --> 15:07.251
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a capital hill fella at that time, I believe it was prior to me being promoted from the rank of major to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel, but the member of Congress of our work for had a local leader who had some concerns about his son, who was refusing to fly as a member of the United States Air Force in a conflict that was taking place in Europe, and they came to me.

15:07.535 --> 15:11.300
[SPEAKER_01]: isn't as I was doing conduct in my research and talking to the lawyers.

15:12.021 --> 15:18.009
[SPEAKER_01]: Why weren't just some fly because if he doesn't fly, it's called being a country inches of checker.

15:18.450 --> 15:31.547
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's a person who has sworn and vowed to defend the United States from foreign enemies and domestic enemies, based on the constitution of the United States.

15:32.068 --> 15:36.394
[SPEAKER_01]: So of

15:36.779 --> 15:41.206
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, with many years of training as a fighter pilot, but he refused to fly.

15:42.147 --> 15:47.575
[SPEAKER_01]: So I continued to listen, and I, my own question was, why won't he fly?

15:48.837 --> 15:50.560
[SPEAKER_01]: Why won't he go out on this mission?

15:52.342 --> 16:02.017
[SPEAKER_01]: And so finally, the answer came back because he's engaged to the shell lady who happens to be in the Air Force, and if he were to fly, she would leave him.

16:03.679 --> 16:04.761
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, okay.

16:06.158 --> 16:12.905
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, so she's in the Air Force, she understands what a conscientious objective is as well.

16:13.746 --> 16:21.214
[SPEAKER_01]: So he went on, I said, now, we're gonna give him, we're not giving him one more chance if he wants to go out there on the mission.

16:21.254 --> 16:24.318
[SPEAKER_01]: He'll be fine because he's trained for this for years.

16:25.899 --> 16:33.988
[SPEAKER_01]: And what happened is, again, decided, I'm not gonna fly on this mission because of my fiance.

16:35.605 --> 16:36.586
[SPEAKER_01]: So he didn't fly.

16:36.746 --> 16:42.110
[SPEAKER_01]: So ultimately what that meant was we're gonna take his wings away from him.

16:42.231 --> 16:44.653
[SPEAKER_01]: So he would no longer be able to be a pilot.

16:45.573 --> 17:00.766
[SPEAKER_01]: He was gonna be put out of the Air Force and probably find or some other measures based on what the Jag or Judge African General have to say and Department of Defense and the members of Congress.

17:00.786 --> 17:05.410
[SPEAKER_01]: And so all of those things happen.

17:06.841 --> 17:11.798
[SPEAKER_01]: when he refused to fly and he lost his wings, she left him anyway.

17:12.841 --> 17:19.905
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just listened and I said, well, I think she didn't really like him, none of us love him.

17:20.493 --> 17:38.377
[SPEAKER_01]: because if she was a right type of person, first of all, he was the right type of person and understood what his obligations were as an officer and a fighter pilot that he would not have been a conscientious object to so it must have been something else.

17:38.397 --> 17:43.404
[SPEAKER_01]: And then if she was the right type of person, she would have left him before he flew.

17:44.285 --> 17:48.070
[SPEAKER_01]: At least before he considered leaving that way,

17:48.455 --> 17:51.400
[SPEAKER_01]: At least he would have had a clear conscience and it would have been over.

17:52.822 --> 17:54.125
[SPEAKER_01]: But that did not happen.

17:55.227 --> 18:02.579
[SPEAKER_01]: And so when it comes down to an emotional intelligence help you to lead more effectively by listening rather than reacting.

18:03.801 --> 18:11.073
[SPEAKER_01]: I listen what about you in a situation that you have confronted over time, where a situation happened.

18:11.715 --> 18:13.197
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you rush to judgment,

18:13.632 --> 18:22.542
[SPEAKER_01]: you may be moving a little bit too fast, so you want to be patient, but listening, it's always one of the key aspects of communication.

18:23.583 --> 18:31.752
[SPEAKER_01]: And I knew at that time, because I had more military experience than anyone in the Congressman's office.

18:32.733 --> 18:43.285
[SPEAKER_01]: And as a result, I already knew what the outcome would be, but I wanted to give him another chance to go out there and do what we do.

18:44.277 --> 18:45.959
[SPEAKER_01]: fight and win.

18:46.800 --> 18:58.433
[SPEAKER_01]: And he did neither one of those in that put him in jeopardy and to this day, I'm very sure he would never be able to get pilot license 90 but commercial as a result of what happened.

18:59.154 --> 19:01.076
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so let's go to the next question.

19:01.116 --> 19:03.699
[SPEAKER_01]: Are you enjoying these stories I'm sharing with you?

19:04.219 --> 19:06.522
[SPEAKER_01]: And by the way, they all are real.

19:07.919 --> 19:10.463
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, so let's get back to emotional intelligence.

19:11.165 --> 19:14.190
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, many leaders equate strength with control.

19:15.051 --> 19:19.960
[SPEAKER_01]: How does emotional intelligence redefine what true leadership strength looks like?

19:21.282 --> 19:22.244
[SPEAKER_01]: I like this question.

19:22.304 --> 19:23.025
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm tip-tailed.

19:23.045 --> 19:31.800
[SPEAKER_01]: Reason why I like this particular question is because people think that if you raise your voice and you stand in front of one of your,

19:32.287 --> 19:54.210
[SPEAKER_01]: Employees are a personal military personnel and you scream at them in front of everyone is not going to work out good for you first of all I'm going to say that because that never should happen and I've never had anybody do that to me and I served over 22 years in the military and years in corporate world if you scream at me I'm not such a small guy I'll scream back.

19:56.502 --> 19:57.663
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll scare everybody.

19:58.264 --> 20:05.754
[SPEAKER_01]: But getting back to the business here, when it comes to, again, this question many leaders equate strength with control.

20:05.874 --> 20:10.219
[SPEAKER_01]: How does emotional intelligence redefine what true leadership strength looks like?

20:10.800 --> 20:17.028
[SPEAKER_01]: True strength lies in vulnerability, patience, and emotional stability, not dominance.

20:18.049 --> 20:24.838
[SPEAKER_01]: This question opens a conversation about how emotional intelligence leaders

20:25.595 --> 20:27.980
[SPEAKER_01]: Authenticity rather than authority.

20:28.360 --> 20:31.246
[SPEAKER_01]: I got tongue tattooed for a minute, but I made my way through.

20:31.286 --> 20:42.688
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, in other words, you want to be an original because we all are of the 8 billion people in this world.

20:42.708 --> 20:45.173
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no one else like you said you want to be you.

20:45.845 --> 20:50.750
[SPEAKER_01]: and people would ask me, okay Paul, what was a like taking orders for people every day?

20:50.790 --> 20:51.671
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how you did it.

20:52.192 --> 20:55.315
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, well, you don't know how I did it because that didn't happen to me.

20:55.355 --> 20:58.739
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, what you're talking about is something in a movie or on television.

20:59.220 --> 21:13.455
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, real life in the real world and the military service is when I at least when I serve in the United States Air Force, people treated you with respect and it became mutual respect, with dignity and honor.

21:13.891 --> 21:22.080
[SPEAKER_01]: And we had people, I had people that I worked left, right through, I run through a brick wall for them because how well they treated me.

21:22.961 --> 21:25.944
[SPEAKER_01]: They treated me better than some of my family members treated me.

21:26.705 --> 21:30.248
[SPEAKER_01]: And so as a result, I would do anything for them and I did.

21:30.268 --> 21:42.261
[SPEAKER_01]: And so what I want to say on this is when you were very authentic and what rather than using a title or your rank,

21:42.528 --> 22:01.325
[SPEAKER_01]: Just being a human being, being a kind individual, being courteous, being a good teammate, being getting into the community and making a difference in the community because it reflects back on the military that you serve in an organization you serve in.

22:01.345 --> 22:04.688
[SPEAKER_01]: So I've found myself on many, many organizations.

22:04.828 --> 22:12.315
[SPEAKER_01]: I help youth at high school and at parents, get them scholarships to attend some of the military academies

22:12.515 --> 22:17.861
[SPEAKER_01]: University of their choice, $80,000, $90,000 for scholarships.

22:18.802 --> 22:20.944
[SPEAKER_01]: I work on all types of committee.

22:21.324 --> 22:26.090
[SPEAKER_01]: If Black History Month Committee, Asian Pacific History Committee, you name it.

22:26.270 --> 22:28.432
[SPEAKER_01]: I worked on all kinds of committees.

22:28.652 --> 22:32.536
[SPEAKER_01]: I worked with Junior Achievement Health setup, a Junior Achievement Programme.

22:32.657 --> 22:42.387
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if I retired, I volunteered to work for a governor of the state form of governor of the state of Maryland and help get financial literacy into

22:42.603 --> 22:55.844
[SPEAKER_01]: As an elective, and then years later, the Maryland Legislature made it a requirement that all students must complete financial literacy program at their high school in order for them to graduate and that would stay wide.

22:56.485 --> 23:04.037
[SPEAKER_01]: And so you do things in the community to make a difference and let and people know that's your real person that's your

23:04.270 --> 23:08.176
[SPEAKER_01]: really invest it in the community itself.

23:08.296 --> 23:10.319
[SPEAKER_01]: And a military has a community as well.

23:10.879 --> 23:12.041
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'll give you an example.

23:12.221 --> 23:18.470
[SPEAKER_01]: I was voted two years running as the parenthesis, association president.

23:18.610 --> 23:23.918
[SPEAKER_01]: And we raised $25,000 a first year and $25,000 in the next year, $50,000 dollars.

23:24.318 --> 23:30.447
[SPEAKER_01]: So we can pour into the students and the educational community on the base itself.

23:30.865 --> 23:44.425
[SPEAKER_01]: And so doing things like that, people find not just how authentic you are, if you a part of arc, if you're faking it, because faking it would be not taking a title in the position and not doing something with it.

23:44.865 --> 23:52.116
[SPEAKER_01]: And so my objective always has been and always will be to make a difference in communities no matter where I go.

23:52.136 --> 23:57.784
[SPEAKER_01]: And I did that throughout my career, whether it was going to a house of worship and volunteering

23:57.983 --> 24:03.372
[SPEAKER_01]: on different committees within that house of worship and many, many more things.

24:03.452 --> 24:15.411
[SPEAKER_01]: So I believe that it's not an issue about control, but it's an issue about community, it's an issue about connecting and I think that makes all of the difference.

24:15.431 --> 24:17.394
[SPEAKER_01]: So here's another great question.

24:18.496 --> 24:25.307
[SPEAKER_01]: What, why do you believe listening not just here in such a vital skill for emotional intelligence leaders?

24:26.215 --> 24:29.839
[SPEAKER_01]: Listen, it's a bridge between understanding and influencing.

24:30.820 --> 24:38.128
[SPEAKER_01]: It allows leaders to grasp what's not being said and respond in ways that foster collaboration and trust.

24:38.709 --> 24:47.238
[SPEAKER_01]: And by this is that just hearing what people have in this say is one thing, but listening is another.

24:47.278 --> 24:53.185
[SPEAKER_01]: And as a result, one can do a lot.

24:53.587 --> 24:58.313
[SPEAKER_01]: more by listening, rather than just hearing her.

24:58.353 --> 25:03.901
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, a lot of her, but they said, but, you know, I don't care, I'm not gonna do anything about it.

25:03.921 --> 25:13.734
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you really listen to what people really want and what they really need, that makes a big difference and I'll give you an example.

25:16.397 --> 25:16.978
[SPEAKER_01]: Working,

25:17.262 --> 25:24.530
[SPEAKER_01]: as a, in my first four years in the Air Force, I was working with acquisition managers.

25:24.550 --> 25:33.019
[SPEAKER_01]: So we had different programs that the Air Force was trying to get, whether it was parts on an aircraft or something else, or anything else.

25:33.119 --> 25:34.721
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't really elaborate on it.

25:35.321 --> 25:46.273
[SPEAKER_01]: But what I want to say is that I ended up on a team, a leading a team from Ohio to California, so we could evaluate the contractor that we had selected.

25:46.473 --> 25:48.776
[SPEAKER_01]: And the contract was for about $3 billion.

25:49.797 --> 26:06.419
[SPEAKER_01]: So the contractor, what we were going to evaluate was will they be able to perform the contract and develop the product that we needed for all services, all military services, all branches within the budget.

26:07.640 --> 26:11.265
[SPEAKER_01]: Within that $3 billion, we didn't want any cost overruns.

26:11.735 --> 26:14.278
[SPEAKER_01]: What about the schedule?

26:14.318 --> 26:19.863
[SPEAKER_01]: Could they get the product and the resource to the military services in a time no matter?

26:20.023 --> 26:21.585
[SPEAKER_01]: So we have to look at the schedule.

26:22.626 --> 26:25.589
[SPEAKER_01]: Would they overrun the schedule just like the overrun the budget?

26:26.790 --> 26:39.143
[SPEAKER_01]: Then do they have the right number of people in the right skill sets, engineers, load decisions, but they have subcontracts, you name it.

26:39.528 --> 26:48.499
[SPEAKER_01]: people on this staff doing this type of work, then would they be able to buy the data that we need it and help accurate with the data B.

26:49.220 --> 26:51.843
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we had to deal with those different parameters.

26:51.903 --> 26:53.665
[SPEAKER_01]: So we went out to California.

26:54.306 --> 26:56.509
[SPEAKER_01]: We conducted a review of the plan.

26:56.609 --> 27:07.122
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it really came down to I had 11 contractors with me and we went out and evaluated every aspect of this company where it was located.

27:07.777 --> 27:28.536
[SPEAKER_01]: How many people would they be hiring because the member of Congress wants to know if that's creating jobs and jobs create revenue Revenue creates opportunities for people families to purchase homes and vehicles and get their kids to school etc So if you're looking at the big picture if you're well and we got out there and in the country

27:28.702 --> 27:54.085
[SPEAKER_01]: Contractor was really coming up short on things so what they started doing was they wanted to hold a reception each night and I just observed on a side learning because I was really the one running this thing and I was I think I was a

27:55.837 --> 27:57.699
[SPEAKER_01]: had all of these people working with me.

27:57.939 --> 28:01.563
[SPEAKER_01]: But I stood on the side, on the death, I just made some observations.

28:02.324 --> 28:10.132
[SPEAKER_01]: And the observation I had was when they were having these little receptions at night, they had alcohol, that they want to drink.

28:10.152 --> 28:12.254
[SPEAKER_01]: They had snacks, so they wanted to feed us.

28:12.314 --> 28:15.778
[SPEAKER_01]: They were kind of like somewhat rolling off the red carpet.

28:15.858 --> 28:20.323
[SPEAKER_01]: They were trying to dazzle us like a sizzle real for a speaker.

28:21.384 --> 28:25.168
[SPEAKER_01]: But their substance wasn't really behind the air contract.

28:25.351 --> 28:31.396
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I noticed one other thing, and I heard some of the contractors say, oh, did you see this light as she was so beautiful?

28:32.177 --> 28:52.055
[SPEAKER_01]: And what we found out was they were actually trying to get women there so that they could maybe get into a situation and if things didn't work and their favor, they would be able to say, well, you know, your staff members out here and they were confronting our women that we had at this affair.

28:52.475 --> 28:55.358
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't even think these women actually even work

28:55.625 --> 28:59.930
[SPEAKER_01]: The company, I think they just brought them in using that as a strategy.

29:00.210 --> 29:02.473
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'll tell all the contractors the next day.

29:02.533 --> 29:05.496
[SPEAKER_01]: Look, we're not going to any more receptions.

29:06.037 --> 29:08.700
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going here just to get in the data that we need.

29:09.321 --> 29:11.363
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're going to draft up our report.

29:11.603 --> 29:14.426
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to have to report back to the two-star general.

29:15.888 --> 29:20.333
[SPEAKER_01]: No more of this sizzle real action with these contractors and these

29:20.785 --> 29:26.131
[SPEAKER_01]: of people, a young ladies that they're bringing out here, trying to sway us.

29:27.192 --> 29:35.901
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it didn't work out for them, but it was based on not only listening, but also observation.

29:36.742 --> 29:41.066
[SPEAKER_01]: And what I saw was not going to be good for my career, nor the contractors career.

29:41.567 --> 29:49.155
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I call it, call it the shot and said no more receptions contract,

29:49.642 --> 30:14.535
[SPEAKER_01]: Your ability, if you can perform this contract, I mean, after all a $3 billion, you can do quite a bit with that, but they didn't want to approach that way, which meant they would probably have a cost overrun, a schedule overrun, and they definitely wouldn't have had the people in place to perform this, so it really is very important to not only listen.

30:15.747 --> 30:25.440
[SPEAKER_01]: So the next question is, what are some practical ways to lead us to develop empathy and active listening habits within their teams, which is a wonderful question?

30:26.241 --> 30:36.335
[SPEAKER_01]: Empathy can be built through intentional practice, asking better questions, as I had mentioned before, paraphrasing what you heard and being fully present in conversations.

30:36.355 --> 30:38.718
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's some of that mindful listening.

30:39.659 --> 30:43.324
[SPEAKER_01]: This question gives space to share actionable habits.

30:44.063 --> 30:45.765
[SPEAKER_01]: leaders can use daily.

30:45.946 --> 31:00.345
[SPEAKER_01]: And yes, indeed, listening, rather than hearing empathy, self-awareness for the leader who's in charge and always say that everyone is a leader because we have to lead our own lives.

31:00.485 --> 31:05.532
[SPEAKER_01]: And you don't have to have a title to actually get work done, not

31:05.765 --> 31:07.989
[SPEAKER_01]: Just average work, but it's exceptional work.

31:08.049 --> 31:28.802
[SPEAKER_01]: If people see exactly the sea that you can actually perform work that one of their managers can't, then they're going to keep there on you and they're going to promote you over that manager because if the manager doesn't understand what their subordinates are doing or their employees are doing, then they would likely be replaced.

31:29.002 --> 31:38.276
[SPEAKER_01]: So the practical ways of when it comes to empathy, it can build, be built through intentional practice, ask better questions.

31:38.917 --> 31:47.070
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I always talk to this about people and I say the better questions you ask, the better results you're going to get.

31:47.090 --> 31:49.493
[SPEAKER_01]: It they go hand in hand.

31:49.874 --> 31:54.621
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you don't ask any questions, then you're going to be in trouble.

31:54.871 --> 32:01.762
[SPEAKER_01]: because later on when you're asking, well, I wonder what, well, you may not have another opportunity to ask that.

32:01.802 --> 32:03.765
[SPEAKER_01]: So you ask it whilst in place.

32:04.165 --> 32:13.340
[SPEAKER_01]: And even though it may not be a part of the decision making at that time, but at least you'll have it in your notes that it was brought up.

32:13.440 --> 32:15.483
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's just as important.

32:15.944 --> 32:22.093
[SPEAKER_01]: And then paraphrase what you hear is like, did you say that you would have this contract,

32:22.681 --> 32:30.409
[SPEAKER_01]: And you can perform it with them budget or will you have the X number of people that's want to build these widgets for us.

32:30.809 --> 32:31.931
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's just an example.

32:32.391 --> 32:34.393
[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, that's a very important question.

32:34.774 --> 32:45.345
[SPEAKER_01]: So next question is, and we're getting close to the end is how has emotional intelligence improve your relationships, both personally and professionally.

32:45.425 --> 32:46.226
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll read it again.

32:46.266 --> 32:49.549
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want you to think of this in terms of yourself.

32:50.238 --> 32:55.510
[SPEAKER_01]: how has emotional intelligence improve your relationships both personally and professionally?

32:55.790 --> 33:04.770
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, emotional intelligence strengthens every connection by replacing judgment with curiosity and reaction with reflection.

33:05.645 --> 33:12.735
[SPEAKER_01]: This question allows you to show how self-awareness transforms communication and feels lasting trust.

33:13.176 --> 33:19.364
[SPEAKER_01]: So in other words, when it gets down to it, you don't want to prejudge anything.

33:19.645 --> 33:26.775
[SPEAKER_01]: You want to be curious and curiosity really comes down to asking a question.

33:27.312 --> 33:28.994
[SPEAKER_01]: And then ask another question.

33:29.155 --> 33:37.667
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you get the answer that you need, you believe that you need to help you make a better decision, then you've done part of your job.

33:38.248 --> 33:43.155
[SPEAKER_01]: And then not so much react, but reflect.

33:43.796 --> 33:51.147
[SPEAKER_01]: Reflect back on how you want to solve x for y.

33:52.068 --> 33:57.015
[SPEAKER_01]: In other words, you want to be able to be in a position

33:57.603 --> 34:08.741
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you have the solution and solutions to help you resolve an issue if you're leading, happen to be leading in an organization or a special project.

34:09.582 --> 34:19.579
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, so I would say it allows to show how self-awareness, it transform your communication and it builds lasting trust.

34:19.599 --> 34:24.707
[SPEAKER_01]: In other words, when you have partners, which you will have, whether you happen to be,

34:25.058 --> 34:30.684
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's say when I used to work at mobile or company, are you have a subcontractor in another company?

34:30.704 --> 34:36.450
[SPEAKER_01]: You're gonna purchase like we had, we bought a company in New Orleans, just in orphaned New Orleans.

34:37.291 --> 34:42.116
[SPEAKER_01]: And so we had to open up dialogue with them because we were purchasing the company.

34:42.637 --> 34:46.561
[SPEAKER_01]: And so then it comes out to, well, do we put in our new employees?

34:46.641 --> 34:54.289
[SPEAKER_01]: Or do we keep some of the people who are at the facility that we're purchasing?

34:54.742 --> 35:16.581
[SPEAKER_01]: And finance is all set up and do we have the proper engineers and we have a chemical engineers in place and different types of engineers for the facility in which we were getting for the oil and gas, a business that we had in New Orleans so it all comes down to that and then so you always want to leave.

35:16.966 --> 35:36.038
[SPEAKER_01]: A place better than when you arrive there, not have any bitterness or someone felt that they could have got a better deal of better situation, and that's when you bring the lawyers in elect them, talk to general counsel, to the executives, but you still have your job and your role to perform.

35:36.018 --> 35:36.979
[SPEAKER_01]: as well.

35:37.599 --> 35:47.909
[SPEAKER_01]: And so the last question is this, for leaders who struggle with emotional awareness, what's the first small step they can take to lead and listen with more hard?

35:49.230 --> 36:00.219
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so with this one, even small actions like journaling emotions, practicing gratitude are taken in with your team can elevate awareness.

36:01.040 --> 36:04.303
[SPEAKER_01]: You're simply being human and being human is a good thing.

36:05.127 --> 36:09.513
[SPEAKER_01]: This question really helps to close the conversation with simple, tangible takeaways.

36:10.154 --> 36:12.457
[SPEAKER_01]: Listeners can apply immediately.

36:13.078 --> 36:20.708
[SPEAKER_01]: So again, for leaders who struggle with emotional awareness what's the first small step they can take the lead, listen with more heart.

36:21.630 --> 36:27.237
[SPEAKER_01]: Even small actions like journaling your emotions and that's really productive.

36:27.918 --> 36:30.021
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's really,

36:30.558 --> 36:35.585
[SPEAKER_01]: Something that can help remind you of what you may have said.

36:36.827 --> 36:59.400
[SPEAKER_01]: When you get away from the conversation and the meetings and things such as that, and in practicing gratitude, always be thankful for what you have because in life things really aren't about happen chance, but it's just really just been fortunate to have opportunity to work where you work and the PPU work for an organization.

36:59.785 --> 37:10.724
[SPEAKER_01]: And then always check in on your team because the team, they have emotions, they have feelings, some have families and they may be going through something so that's always good.

37:11.825 --> 37:13.929
[SPEAKER_01]: And it can elevate the awareness.

37:14.690 --> 37:24.527
[SPEAKER_01]: So one of the things that I look at is is how we can all do better and what

37:25.047 --> 37:31.699
[SPEAKER_01]: As the title goes, what emotion intelligence has taught me and you about leading and listening.

37:32.400 --> 37:34.744
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that's what the title was.

37:35.225 --> 37:40.795
[SPEAKER_01]: So in closing, what I want to say is first of all, it's to thank you for being just amazing.

37:40.775 --> 37:46.143
[SPEAKER_01]: listeners and subscribers, fans and followers and colleagues, I appreciate you all.

37:46.684 --> 37:53.454
[SPEAKER_01]: So emotional intelligence really isn't about perfection because we know perfection doesn't exist, but consistency does.

37:53.975 --> 37:55.718
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's really all about connection.

37:56.099 --> 38:04.892
[SPEAKER_01]: So when we slow down to listen and when we empathize before we analyze, we create space for transformation.

38:05.075 --> 38:12.949
[SPEAKER_01]: In ourselves, our teams and our organizations, leaders who lead with heart don't just manage performance, they inspire growth.

38:13.590 --> 38:15.333
[SPEAKER_01]: So thank you for joining me today.

38:15.353 --> 38:20.982
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember leadership begins with self-awareness, know who you are.

38:21.022 --> 38:28.315
[SPEAKER_01]: And every conversation is an opportunity to listen your way to greater influence.

38:28.750 --> 38:35.882
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, of the five senses, the listening is one of the best that you can have, and then I'll put observation right up there with it.

38:37.826 --> 38:42.734
[SPEAKER_01]: So here's my call to action for you doing episode three hundred is seventeen.

38:43.375 --> 38:47.502
[SPEAKER_01]: So if today's episode resonated with you share it with a colleague a friend.

38:47.785 --> 38:51.792
[SPEAKER_01]: who's ready to lead with more empathy and emotional intelligence.

38:51.812 --> 38:59.445
[SPEAKER_01]: Subscribe to the Well for Academy podcast on your favorite platform, and also go to Apple Podcasts and write and review this episode.

38:59.706 --> 39:05.857
[SPEAKER_01]: Please provide us with that five-star rating because that really helps us and we can do more in the future.

39:06.538 --> 39:10.705
[SPEAKER_01]: And leave a review and join our growing community of leaders and stop our

39:11.005 --> 39:20.758
[SPEAKER_01]: private Facebook group, lead yourself to well, where we help mid-career professionals turn self leadership into success and legacy.

39:21.399 --> 39:35.818
[SPEAKER_01]: And so in closing, I just want to say thank you so much for listening to this episode, and my time is up, and I thank you for yours, and I'll see you on the next episode of Wellf Academy Podcast.

39:35.838 --> 39:37.300
[SPEAKER_01]: Have a great day, and I'll see you,

39:53.277 --> 39:56.763
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for listening to this episode with Paul and his guest.

39:57.163 --> 40:06.899
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope you enjoyed this episode and Paul requests that you rate and review this episode and others on Apple Podcasts and wherever you listen to podcasts.

40:06.919 --> 40:15.252
[SPEAKER_00]: View all wealth Academy podcast episodes at www.wealthacademypodcast.com